Chicago Now

Everyone! Big news! (I hope). I have been picked up by Chicago Now to become a blogger affiliated with their website AND, although I know very little about how they operate even in the most general of terms, I figure at the very least it's got to be more exposure AND so far they have been nothing but pleasant to work with.

Soooo......

I need to ask you a favor.

This will be the last post on this site, assuming all goes well, as we are not allowed to double post. So if you'd like to continue receiving my content, and I know you do, please do one (or all!) of the following:

1. Follow me on twitter, @MyPeaceOfFood — I will link to posts, upload photos, rehash the latest studies coming out on GMOs, chemicals and toxins in our foods and beauty products, etc.
2. Friend me on Facebook (search MyPeaceOfFood), but be sure to include a message that you're a fan of the blog — I don't accept friend requests from strangers and may not know you by name. If need be, I will create a separate "Fan" page.
3. Visit me often — stalk me, if you will — at http://www.chicagonow.com/my-peace-of-food as this is where the new site will be housed. No worries, you can also search My Peace Of Food right on their site just in case you lose this link, and there I will appear.
4. Once I get some content up on their site, I will be able to create a button for you to subscribe via email similar to what you see on the right-hand side of this page. That's pretty nice when you're out and about on your smartphone and you have time to kill...go through all those emails in your inbox and read all those blog posts that keep piling up!

Oh, one last thing:

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!! I don't want to lose you guys. Come visit me there, support me, give me the shirt off your back, etc. :) Smooches! XX It's been real. :)

Food, finance and election season

"The luxury of worrying about the quality of your food and the sustainability of your food is the kind of thing you do when your major economic anxieties are soothed." — Christine Barbour, Senior Lecturer in Poly Sci at Indiana University (taken from a recent article by Earth Eats)

(::crickets::)

So...

I wholeheartedly agree that lots of us are still facing major economic anxieties. We (rationally or irrationally) fear losing our jobs and ending up out of work for months (years!) on end. Our houses are under water, and if we sold we'd walk away with nothing. Many are probably even still filing for bankruptcy, although I'm sure the trend has slowed down a bit since the major economic crisis a few years ago.

But how can we afford to not worry about the quality of our food?

I mean, really?

MAYBE I JUST SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WORRYING, but...

I worry about:

• Am I wasting my money on small-operation dairy when really rBGH doesn't matter?
• On what level am I really ingesting pesticides when I'm at Target and I buy conventional apples instead of waiting to seek out the organic kind at the grocery store?
• Why is locally raised meat better than grass-fed from California? Is it? Or is grass-fed always better? (Organic? Local, grass-fed AND organic?)
• I know that antibiotics in poultry are bad, and I've seen Food Inc. But who DOES responsibly raise chickens if we can't trust the "free-range" label, since no one really regulates that? And why does Whole Foods "air-chill" their chicken? Is that the best I can buy?
• Okay, so no more rice. What will we learn next about how quinoa is packaged, or why cous-cous is a sham, or how Americans eat far too much pasta each year? (While we're at it, can you tell me which brand of the whole-wheat kind to buy?)
• I can't seem to get any fruits or veggies in at breakfast. Help me please. I cannot cook or blend anything for fear of waking up my family at 5am.
• Who, besides Eden Organics, makes canned food without BPA linings? Do I really have to start soaking my beans?
• Coffee or no coffee? (Only if I can drink it black? How many cups?)

You get the point, and by now you know that I could go on and on. (And on.) So excuse me, y'all, but this list of questions without straight answers is not a "luxury" to me. Because yes, I may secretly worry sometimes that my husband WILL get fired, or maybe even me, too. But then I say to myself, So what? What's the worst that could happen? You have to sell your home and move into a rental property? You ruin your credit history? You have to share one car, you have less presents to wrap on Christmas, you spend more time doing things that cost nothing, like going to church and snuggling with the kids?

But eating is something we do at least three times a day, at least in my house. Every single little CRUMB worries me. And nothing feels luxurious about that. We are in an election year, and although the President seems to disagree because the people in Congress are oblivious, heartless and/or too busy to care, there is a food movement taking place and people like me are fed up with not knowing what to eat. Where will the next crisis be, in the dairy industry or in fruits and vegetables? Which major processed food company will have the next recall? Will it be salmonella or E. coli?

I know I sound like a complete psychopath right now, but I'm doing so to prove a point, of course. I don't ask myself these questions every time I put fork to mouth. I'm not really this uppity and insane, because I don't always have time for it either. However, I'm also sick of focusing so much on the future (the whole will-I-lose-my-job-home-pension-savings-401k-vacation days-sick days thing) when what's right in front of me is, literally, my kitchen counter. Some grapes (not organic). A Diet Coke (purchased for a party). Coconut water that my son rejected (unfortunately, probably not "harmless"). And — my son's one "treat" from the grocery store this week (forgive me in advance): whole-grain goldfish crackers. The amount of guilt I feel for allowing him to eat snacks with autolyzed yeast does not feel luxurious, either, rest assured. But sometimes allowing a treat feels a little bit like balance to me, someone who is much more critical than the average person about what goes into my shopping cart at the store.

So to Christine Barbour, the President and all the senators, journalists and others who are oblivious to what's going on in the food industry this election year — and perhaps always — I disagree. Diet and exercise directly impact health and fitness. Health and fitness costs are skyrocketing. Government spending on treating diseases like obesity and diabetes is, arguably, way too high. I'm no politician, but that rhetoric alone to me says "hot-button issue" — and I didn't even have to mention mangoes, melons and peanut butter.

Things I've Learned Along The Way

Although it may seem obvious, I feel it necessary to state that, of course, everything that goes into both your life and mine is constantly changing. A never-ending journey. We grow, regress and cycle back around again. But if you pay attention, you can learn a thing or two while you're at it — it's sometimes just difficult to remember tips and tricks in those moments of sheer panic (screaming child, late for a meeting, forgot to send that email, overslept). So this list is something I've been working on for some time in terms of budgeting, avoiding food waste and staying true to my values without feeling deprived. It goes a little like this...

• Even if you're trying to save money, don't buy something just because it's on sale. To a savvy shopper this may seem obvious, but I don't mean avoiding impulse buys only because of the price; I also mean the less-obvious kind of bargain shopping traps: Forgetting to compare the sale price of the brand name to the generic. The generic may still be cheaper than the brand name on sale! And then there's this...
• Don't buy something that's on sale if you're not going to eat/use/enjoy it. Sometimes, the generic kind of cheese, bread or cleaning product just plain stinks. If you don't like the smell of the carpet cleaner or are always throwing out celery, don't try to force yourself into liking it just because it's cheaper than the name brand or you swear this time you'll use it up. I cannot tell you how aggravating it is to me to constantly be throwing out yogurt I think I'm going to eat and don't, piling up more and more overripe bananas in my freezer to one day make banana bread and the countless snacks my son "thinks" he wants that just end up in the garbage. And I'm the one doing the food shopping?!?
• Try to stick to what everyone likes. I know all about picky eaters, trust me — but aside from having a picky 2-year-old, I also have food allergies and my husband has some serious food aversions resulting from life-long gastritis. So although sometimes I'll "splurge" on garlic and onions to flavor foods and will then take them out whole for his sake, most often I just leave them out. This saves money and guarantees (well, sort of!) that everyone will eat the same meal and I don't end up feeling like a short-order cook.
• It's not all or nothing. I may very well be the girl at the grocery store with organic cabbage and conventional ice cream in my shopping cart, but it depends on the day...Sometimes I feel overly concerned with budgeting, and on other days I'm giving in to the demands of my 2-year-old. At times I just want some chocolate; on a good day I'm much more intentional and thoughtful about what goes into my cart. This is me. This is realistic.
• Applaud yourself for the little things. I'm just proud that I denied my son his fishy crackers one day at the store and sugary trail mix the next. I know I may not be as strong next time, but somehow you have to find a balance when it comes to food, finance AND your sanity. If you're not eating from the drive-thru every night, that's a good thing! If you're not eating white bread with your sandwich, that's a good thing! And if you stop after just one cookie...well, it's better than eating two or four or 10.

Above all, know yourself and try to see things objectively whenever possible. You may be too hard on yourself most of the time, like me, and try to live up to expectations of perfection. On the flip side, you may sometimes be the one who thinks "this burger isn't going to kill me." But the side of fries and the soft drink, every day, plus all the other processed garbage, well...there's plenty of evidence in the direction that it sure ain't good for ya. Keep learning and growing, but be kind to yourself along the way. "Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle," including yourself — and we should be so lucky that What To Eat may be our biggest quandary today. Use your head, make a decision and move on...it's a much more peaceful way to live. 

This is it. This is my cause.

I think most people have a cause: It could be breast cancer, ovarian cancer, prostate cancer, autism, diabetes, bullying, you name it.

Yes, mine is food.

Recent articles detailing the lack of proper safety inspections, regulations, honesty and common sense with regard to how the American food system works, what exactly we're feeding our children and how big of a risk we take every time we put fork to mouth have given me that heart-racing, terrified, angry feeling in my chest that you usually reserve for Mama Bear moments when your kid is about to run into the street or has just pulled a pair of scissors and a steak knife from a kitchen drawer.

I know what a lot of you are thinking. I get it. I've heard it said, in other venues: "Great! BPA is being replaced by other untested, potentially health-harming plastic alternatives. What's next, America?" I've even thought similar things myself when I'm feeling too poor and rushed to buy organic apples, strawberries, raspberries and blueberries (as grim as this sounds): Well, we're all going to die of something.

I, for one, would rather that not be from eating tilapia raised on pig feces.

Guys, this is NOT a joke! All off-the-cuff waving me off aside, how is this okay? The report on imported seafood alone shows that 27% of our seafood comes from China. FDA inspections "frequently" find the seafood to be contaminated. Salmonella, just one of the diseases we most often hear about in terms of food-borne illness, doesn't cause diarrhea and fever alone. It causes kidney failure. It causes stroke.

I know my readers well also, though — those who don't think I'm being alarmist and paranoid. You're shaking your head, saying to yourself, 'Oh, well I eat organic.' Honey, you're not exempt. Earthbound Farms is a prime example of an organic operation that has had to implement costly microbial tests after a nine-year-old girl almost died from eating their lettuce, which most consumers (rightfully) think is safer than its conventional counterpart.

'Oh, but I eat local, too.'

Beloved, every farm is local to someone.

I'm not here with all the answers, because, frankly, this is new and frightening and more maddening at every step. Food recalls are up. I've had food poisoning plenty of times, and I'm sure you have, too. The FDA "is trying, so far without success, to wrest back control of food inspection from the [food] industry."

Excuse me?

Trying?

Who are these spineless pushovers, and where the hell can I sign up to give them a FREAKING hand?

When senators, prime-time journalists and former presidents are either too uneducated, afraid or unwilling to even address the issue of GMOs in our foods (genetically modified organisms — banned or significantly restricted in over 50 countries in Europe, Asia, Australia and the Middle East but not in North America — which cause tumors, kidney and liver damage and premature death when tested on animals), it doesn't give me much hope for a few cases of nausea and vomiting. Are we waiting for more people to die, sometimes without even ingesting the contaminated food, before we do anything about this?

Yes, I may sound alarmist. Yes, I may sound paranoid, angry, afraid and on the rampage.

But you see, I have children. Children who I now feel like I don't know what to feed and when, children who I'd like to be around to care for, children who may even have another brother or sister one day if we all manage to stay safe, happy and healthy in a world where food poisoning, cancer, diabetes, heart disease and a whole host of other systemic ailments can most certainly be linked to what we eat.

This is it.

This is my cause.

I know that my posts have been vacillating from food to religion to spirituality and back again, and I can't guarantee that won't continue to be the case even as I continue to study the research on this issue and struggle with what to put on the table three times a day, not including what my 2-year-old snacks and grazes on 24/7. But as you've seen, I've been making changes. I've been sticking to my Stuff Diet, implementing new tools to help us stick to our budget and relying on real-food meal plans even when I would have ordered take-out in the past because I was too tired, busy or stressed out to cook.

So now more than ever it's time to keep my nose to the grindstone and really analyze every food purchase to the best of my ability. I'm going to talk to my local farmers to find out how their food is inspected, tested, stored and shipped. I will put my foot down when my son wants crackers that wouldn't be possible without GMO corn. I may be one tiny voice (a small "fish" in a big, black, choppy sea) that even my 2-year-old can overpower at times, but this is me, continuing to pledge my good intentions, ignoring that age-old aphorism about the fiery depths below. We can all only do our best, but in order to keep up with these crazy-ass food regulations (the lack thereof, really), we need to stay on our toes and constantly make that best BETTER.

Stay on the lookout for more resources, posts, news items and solutions from me and the people I do trust when it comes to what goes in my mouth and the mouths of those I feed.

We all need someone to journey with us every day, through school and work and meals and leisure.

I hope to do that, to a certain extent, for my readers, with regard to what interests me most and what I write about here.

Oh — and one more thing — if I'm not "your person" (important Grey's Anatomy reference intended) when it comes to who you trust and where you go for the latest on-line opinions about all things food, finance and faith (I think I stole that from Katrina), make Someone Else your person. Just have a person. Earthly or other-worldly, it would be unwise to go it alone. I just don't think the ignorance-is-bliss attitude is going to cut it anymore.

Every day's your birthday

So I wrote this whole long amazing INSPIRING post about how we should all live like Every Day is our Birthday because let's face it, for those of us who don't mind yet, we're all smiley and super nice on our birthdays and we do all the things we love and nothing we don't.

And then Blogger lost it.

Damn you, Blogger! At least now I have a better grasp of how flaky you can be.

The moment is gone, so this post will be brief and to the point.

Imagine it's your birthday (and, again, you still enjoy celebrating your birthday). What would you do? Have someone make you breakfast in bed? Go shopping? Make your own cake?

You may want to sit down for this.

What's stopping you from doing that now? Right here, right now, today?

I know for me Not Working is always on my birthday wish list. I always take the day off, and if I'm lucky, the day before and the day after. (Must plan for party set-up and take-down.) So obviously I can't just Not Work every day and take it to that level. But you know what I mean?

Think about how a song can take you to a certain place and time. Or a smell. That feeling that you've been here before, somehow, some time.

Now, practice invoking the feeling of Birthday Pleasure:

The sounds of a surprise party.

Loved ones cheering your name, up-beat music playing in the background, ice clinking in cocktail glasses, Happy Birthday being sung, lights down, candles flickering, maybe someone getting a little weepy.

Feel that love, in your cheeks, shoulders, chest, all tingly.

Gah! Why can't we live like this ALL THE TIME?!

I get it, I do. After all, I've been sitting on this post idea for about 4 months. I forget the feeling too. I worry. I get stressed out. On my birthday, I avoid feeling those things.

SAY IT WITH ME NOW:

What's stopping you from doing that now? Right here, right now, today?

Work on practicing that feeling. Drawing it up. Have you ever done this before, perhaps to relax, for example? I sometimes focus on the image and sensations of a waterfall — the spray on my face, the deafening sound of the water pounding down below, the smells of Wet and Heavy Air. You can do it with any feeling you want to create, really.

So do it with your birthday. Or a Saturday. The middle of summer, the first in a long string of vacation days. Just pretend, tomorrow, maybe, to be happy. Get on the happy bus and fake it 'til you feel it.

Tell someone in the elevator it's your birthday, and in two seconds you'll both be smiling. I know this — I've done this.

Enjoy your day, and you'll enjoy your life.

Radical concept.

Feeling good

I feel like I only write on this site when things are going wrong...I don't like to say when I have a "bad day," because I honestly feel like even when I'm down it's never a whole long entire BAD DAY (so please, refrain from using that expression if at all possible! Be grateful for what you have!), but so as not to part with the norm, I was feeling a little bothered yesterday. I had such a heavy heart that I had to keep asking myself: What is it that's really bothering me? And it came down to just a few things:

1. I gave in and bought my son a toy at the book store. This is bad not only because, yes, I "gave in" to him — I'd forgotten the library doesn't open until 1pm on Sundays, so I had to think fast...book store opened at noon...made the mistake of showing him this really cool John Deere tractor steering wheel thing...bought it in order to get out of there without screaming — but it's also bad because I'm trying to save money. I could have gone back for it around Christmas. Three strikes, I'm OUT.
2. My account balance is low. So low, in fact, that I had to transfer funds from one account to my cash account just to keep things running smoothly until Pay Day. (John Deere be damned!) Now, clearly, things can't be that bad if I have multiple accounts to transfer to and from. So why does this bother me so much? I am having SUCH a hard time keeping the faith and feeling affluent and abundant, my very special "a" words. Need to keep digging to get to the bottom of this feeling of lack.
3. An old friend of mine just joined a local ladies' group I'm already a member of, but it seems like this person has not let go of a big ole spat we had about a boy — 15 years ago, and we're both married (to other men, not the one in my story!) with children now — because she has not responded to my attempt to reach out to her as someone new in the area. So it got me wondering. Did I really reach out to be nice, and Christian, and loving, and forgiving, or did I reach out just to see if she's over it? I could give you the details, but after thinking about it for so many years I know why I acted the way I did, and I can imagine the baggage she brought into the situation too. So why do I care? Seems like another aspect of the human condition (wanting to be liked) that I just can't shake. At least I'm aware of what it is. And if it's human, maybe I should stop fighting so hard against it.
4. My son, God bless him, really didn't want his nebulizer treatment yesterday (and we're only on Day 4 of a two-week commitment to twice-daily sessions), and I felt like a bad, inadequate mom for not being able to control my two-year-old. He just would not sit still. There was thrashing, and screaming, and kicking, and lots of instances of a loud "No!" coming from a mouth that must  be copying a new classmate (it's a recent change, and I don't like it). It made me pile one more thing on top of the Pity-Me list. I can't find time to exercise. I can't control my son. I can't control my finances. Why is he sleeping in our bed. Why won't he eat more than just crackers. Poor, poor me.

And while you could look at it both ways, it didn't take me long to realize yesterday that, actually, everything's alright. I started to feel good again rather quickly. Things are fine. Great, in fact. I am able to make a meal for another new mom today, I've signed up to do it again next month for someone who will be more in need than me now that my latest arrival is four (four!) months old already and the weather is a perfect blend of sunny, crisp and breezy.

So why did I find myself in another trap this morning — and I often do this now, schlepping my son to and from school in a more upscale part of town — comparing myself to other moms, feeling inferior, experiencing envy, wanting the What Ifs? It sucks, this little game I play in my head, so instead, right now, I will focus on the good:

1. I've started the Green Juice thing, and MAN was today's blender-full-of-goodness divinely delicious. Good for mind, body and soul. Never looking back.
2. I've stopped spreading myself so thin. My uncontrollable two-year-old throws a fit when I leave him home with Daddy at night for social events, so I've scratched all but a monthly MOPS table leader meeting off my evening calendars. I've never seen a first-grader with a pacifier, a 10-year-old in diapers or a teenager who cries when Mommy goes out for a night on the town. This, too, shall pass, but while it's having Its Moment, I'm tired of fighting. My social schedule can skyrocket again when he's ready...or I'm ready...or Daddy's more able to cope.
3. My husband has had a bee in his bonnet to do some home remodeling for some time now. He has his own money saved up on the side for this, and yet I've been standing in his way, complaining that we never see a dime of that money, telling everyone I know how long he takes to complete projects, canceling appointments and dodging questions about where to start first, kitchen or bath. He wants to redo my bathrooms, without a dime from my already-tight budget, and I'm getting angry about it? Yes we have two small children and it will mean more time with me and less time with Daddy while he's hacking away at ugly old tile. But do I really have the right to complain? If only it were Nate Berkus doing the remodel — I'll gladly leave it at that.
4. Remember that uncontrollable two-year-old? Well, "school" started a few weeks ago and all I had to do was put it out there — Lord, Divine, Universe, whatever: Please help him get over his crying when I leave him at school. And like that, just shy of two weeks later, he's loving it. He's thriving. He asks about school at least once a day, even on the weekends and days off. No tears any more, just play time and dirty clothes on the way home and pictures to hang on the wall. He's amazing.

Are you feeling good today? Please don't tell me you're having a bad day. I know it's Monday. I know you have that thing on your calendar when you'd rather park it on the couch tonight with some TV and ice cream.

But that thing on your calendar could be big.

Your busy day tomorrow, it could actually provide you with a few choice moments of quiet amidst all the chaos.

Tonight, feeling exhausted and sorry for yourself at the end of a long start to the work week, you may have that a-ha moment you've been waiting for if you get quiet for a little while, turn off the engine, leave your worries and cares elsewhere — not on the pillow — and the solution to your problem is suddenly at arm's reach.

After all...

It could just be a shift in perspective.

The Year of Nothing

It's that time again! My birthday. Celebrating the day I became an Outside Baby, joining the rest of you on this journey, taking my first breaths. If you're familiar with the site you know I like to set an intention for each coming year, and this one came to me the other day, quite naturally, without much thought:

The Year of Nothing.

Last year was The Year of Peace, which turned out to be quite fitting. I have been finding peace in so many ways about so many things lately, it's frankly stunning to me.

The Year of Nothing should be just as fitting. Because by nothing I don't mean I'm not setting an intention this year; rather, it goes along with my Stuff Diet (which is going really well!) and some other things I realize I don't want in my life, like...

I don't want to judge any more. Myself, others, God's plans...when faced with a difficult person, I'm trying to act more Christian and keep my mouth shut if necessary. When faced with a difficult situation, I'm trying to keep the faith rather than be afraid. When I look in the mirror and see a tired face I barely even recognize, catching myself criticizing my skin, hair and clothing, I just stop it.

In terms of the Stuff Diet, this intention is perfect. I've been shopping less, attending more events (directing finances more towards experiences sometimes, instead of things) and relishing the quiet moments I have alone or with family. And although my cupboards are a work in progress — having a party plus sticking to my budgets a little better has left me with a weird mix of food and drink in the house — I'm also aware of the possibility that The Year of Nothing could easily become The Year of Nothing-Gets-In-The-Way-Of-My-Priorities when it comes to what I value: health, family, spirituality, peace, et cetera. It seems so obvious to me now even though I just realized it and plenty of you may not agree, but I can't do the Food and Finance things right without the right balance of Faith in there, too.

"Nothing" can mean so many things: No worrying (or at least less). No obsessing too much about am I getting enough protein, shouldn't I be eating more fruits and vegetables, will my kid ever like green beans. No stone unturned. No attachments, no forecasting, nothing on my mind when trying to have a moment of pure calm, silence, meditation or prayer.

I often find myself saying "sounds a lot easier than it is" — but that's not giving myself credit for changes I've already made, so be optimistic with me here and do it for yourself: Take a few minutes to just Do. Nothing. Turn off the TV, radio, iPod, iPhone. Put down the magazine, book, newspaper, glass of water. Just sit, enjoy the shadows dancing on the floor, watch the tree branch bow and sway, breathe in a little crisp outdoor air.

Ahhhh....

It tastes so sweet.

Burning Question Numero Tres

It's that time again, folks!

Welcome back to Danielle LaPorte's Burning Question series, where I take on one of her amazingly thought-provoking topics and bare my soul to you guys. Yep, that about sums it up.

Today's question is, What would you be more of if you let go of the past?

BOOM.

I don't know about you, but that one hit me like a brick wall to the face.

Because, if you think about it, we are the sum of all our experiences. We may wish that weren't true, but we are where we are today because of yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. The good, the bad and the hideous. All those dirty little nasty bits you don't want to show to the world, and all those fabulous gems that you can't help but brag about — whether it's your kid, your job status, your kicky new hair cut or your favorite pair of shoes. The purchase you made yesterday. The decision to go back to school. The break-up.

If you're not inclined to read Danielle's whole take on things, I'll summarize it like this: What if you were given the chance to erase everything you were, so that you could instantly become everything you want to be (or don't want to be), right here, right now?

Forget about the lack of attention as a child, or being spoiled rotten. Forget about your daddy issues, that time you fell on the monkey bars and everyone laughed, the night you walked into a screen door. The big and the small.

Now, one could argue against this entirely, of course. I repeat, we are where we are today because of all the things that happened before this. But I don't think there are many of us who are so highly evolved that we are content with all aspects of our personality, willing to take full responsibility, no regrets.

So play along with me. (Yes, of course. I'll go first.)

I think I would be more...

Comfortable in my own skin.

For some completely and totally (really, utterly ridiculous) reason, I have always felt the need to be validated by others — and I would say men even ahead of other women — rather than feeling that inner peace and contentment within myself. I get nervous. I think, What will they think? I rehash conversations over and over in my head after they've happened. I practically memorize emails I've already sent. I wonder, Does she think we're just acquaintances, or would she call me her "friend"? I don't relish just being me. I have to be me and be liked. (While completely normal, this is all a bunch of crap and shouldn't really matter. We all know this, right?)

I would also be more...

Daring. Outgoing. Outspoken. Outlandish. All of that "out" stuff.

Because doesn't the fun stuff happen when you step outside of your comfort zone? I would like to do wild and crazy things. Risk it all. Take that leap of faith. Again — have no concern of what other people think. No qualifying statements. Just being and doing, no thinking. Spontaneity to me is deciding to get take-out instead of cooking. BIG. Real big. (It's the sum of past experiences that keeps me inside the box. Thinking outside of it is such a foreign concept to me.)

I know I would be more...

Confident.

It's funny how dwelling on something brings you more of that same experience, similar people, equal results. I want to know I'm making the right decision, always. I don't want any lingering doubts, questions, hesitations, worries, fears. Not to say that having no "past" means you suddenly remove the potential for future failures, but...you don't come to expect them. And I don't expect failure...it's just that I need a little work still before I expect miracles. I know, crazy. Don't ask me why. Every time I have an insanely busy day and everything goes off without a hitch, I realize — this is the miracle. But we want things to happen so quickly...out-of-this-world things...and although I consider myself to be a patient person, I fall into this trap often. That's when I know it's time to just relax and take a deep breath.

I would be more fearless. Yes, I know. We already went over this. No past does not equal no rational fears or worries. But...don't past [bad] experiences make you fear more of the same? Burned bridges, criticism, whatever it may be?

I'm sure I could think of a million things, but as you can hopefully imagine, the point of this exercise is to just — be those things now.

Be fearless, and daring, and confident, and fun; be willing to let go of your story. Agenda. Shadow self.

Shift that perspective just one eight of an inch, that tiny little bit, remember to change one small thing today or tomorrow, and you've opened a new door, forged a new path.

Keep learning and growing.

It keeps you from getting bored.

My take on the organic vs conventional debate

This whole thing has been blown out of proportion. If you haven't been following the news, a recent study says that organic produce is not more nutritious than conventional.

Would that make you stop buying organic?

They didn't say that it's not better for the environment.

They didn't say that pesticide levels in organic and conventional are the same.

All they concluded was that it's too early to say that eating an organic orange is going to give you a bigger dose of vitamin C than eating a conventional orange. I don't know about you, but that's not why I buy organic.

The fire is being fueled on all sides, though, of course. One of the study's authors, in fact, has big ties to Big Ag and in the past also authored studies supporting Big Tobacco. Is it a conspiracy? Maybe, maybe not. But people are hearing about this 'nutrition' component and are trying to write off organic all together. Leaning too far in either direction is silly.

Nothing has changed. It may be bad publicity for organics, but the people who hear the news and take it at face value probably aren't buying organic anyways, and this will just keep them thinking they're right. It's too bad, but it will take each individual's personal interest in health and knowledge to really change anything.

Nothing, I repeat, has changed. Don't get it twisted. Buy the Dirty Dozen items organically when you can. Buy the Clean 15 conventionally if you want. But do not let this one itty bitty meta-analysis change how you feel about pesticides, health, the environment, cooking, what have you. Keep doing what you believe is right for you and your family. You don't need a study to tell you that.

But old habits die hard

Is that how the saying goes, more or less?

In my post-surgery fog, I completely forgot that I'm not "doing dessert" any more and dug in last night with friends. Not that there's anything wrong with the occasional treat, it just hit me after the fact that I was stuffing my face without making the CHOICE to stuff my face. It was second nature. Automatic. Robotic. Ingrained. That's what gets me. I literally forgot NOT to eat dessert. How backwards is that? I'm being serious. A habit is a hard thing to break.

Being at my mom's house to work today was also tempting. The chips...the cookies...the chocolate...the everything. Luckily I just experienced the above so recently, AND my appetite is reduced a bit still post-surgery, mixed with some residual nausea (gosh, after reading that all together I don't know why I'm eating at all), so I was able to avoid mindless snacking. In fact, I purposefully snacked. More saltine crackers for my upset stomach and some cut-up strawberries and mango that my son rejected...why I do not know, they were heavenly! Lunch was grilled chicken, and again I ate purposefully -- I realized when I was just continuing to eat because it was there, and I stopped.

So the sum total is not too bad. Awareness is key. I should know this by now! Sometimes, less really does feel like more.