So, as usual, my plan stopped working. Or, rather, I stopped working with my plan. I still owe my change jar $11, and that's verging on the generous side — to my wallet, that is. I've been getting so little sleep the past few weeks that all discipline has knowingly gone out the window. I deserve donuts, I now tell myself. I like when my husband appears with them on Sunday mornings. In fact, I not-so-indirectly tell him on Saturday mornings when he doesn't appear with them that I thought he would, which triggers him to appear with them on Sunday.
Sigh...we all knew this was coming, didn't we? I could have spotted this like a junior high breakup at turnabout.
At the root of it, though, I still have faith. While I was more clear-headed and well-rested, I was being smart. I rejected bites of things — bites, people! No one ever got fat having just a few bites! — because I'd have to pay myself for it. I wouldn't buy anything that wasn't made with whole wheat. I wouldn't go out for Mexican because it meant staring down those endless bowls of chips that I'm actually allergic to and eat anyways. (Insanity, I know, but like I've told you before, I'm not severely allergic. Nothing happens at all, usually. But still.) It was a little extreme. I need more specific rules, I think. Maybe that's a new post...
So although I've plateaued at 10lbs to go, and happily, mind you — I am okay with it, or I obviously wouldn't be eating white hot dog buns and extra chocolate — I feel a bit foolish. Why can't I just eat smart and be done with it? Isn't that what this site is all about, enjoying good food, healthily, without succumbing to fads and trends? I know this isn't some crazy new thing (or else I'd be getting paid to tell you to start your own change jar), but it's still just some tactic I concocted because I don't have the willpower otherwise to "just eat smart." And again I've said this before, more than half of America is with me in the struggle, but that doesn't make it any less of a struggle.
I'm hoping against hope that Baby stops waking up every night at 3 and that I can get a good night's rest one of these days, stop walking around like a zombie and stop buying pita chips that my waist band can't afford. Fall and winter are coming, my husband's favorite time of year to "get fat." Right when I'll probably be weaning the little babe and looking forward to a little less food and a little more exercise. I either need a new tip or trick or I need "just eat smart" tattooed on the hand I use to pick up my fork.
For now, I think I'll take stock in the fact that I haven't even weighed myself in days, perhaps weeks, so I may not even be doing that bad. I'll be happy if I haven't gained, let's leave it at that. And if I've lost, perhaps part of the change-jar philosophy has stuck — after all, I'm still sticking to portion sizes most nights and although I allow myself two treats a day, they're also only 60 calories and (oops, I should check the ingredient list and aren't I trying to stay away from artificial sweeteners?) I could do a lot worse. It IS hard to stay away from peanuts, soy, walnuts, peas, corn, artificial sweetener and caffeine all day every day. I love the idea of a plant-based diet, but with my current work schedule it's kind of turned into a "Honey, throw this on the grill"-based diet. But then again, Mommy needs protein so that Baby has milk. At least I'm not being so hard on myself and can see the good in the bad as well as the bad in the good.
Stop right there, though — if YOU have something new you think I should try, whether it be a strategy for busy moms trying to cook quick and healthy meals or a tip, trick or mantra YOU use every day as a reminder of your healthier, leaner you, let me know what it is! You know I'm game to try just about anything. Thanks in advance!
