Flip-flops: Not just on my feet

Why is it that I flip-flop so quickly and easily from one extreme to the other? It's either Whole Foods or Meatheads for dinner — pure and healthy versus burgers and fries. I go from wanting to keep all the snacks and foods possible in the house that the baby likes to wanting to get them out as quickly as possible so that he's only snacking on fresh fruits and veggies (organic when it counts, of course). I have a healthy breakfast, and then I ruin the rest of my day on jelly beans and pretzel clusters. I want to be the super-healthy, super-clean, super-organized, super-fit mom...so why aren't I?

An article in the latest issue of SELF magazine shed new light on this topic for me: Ever seen the bumper sticker "I don't want buns of steel, I want buns of cinnamon"? I had never heard that saying before, but it struck a chord with me in the way the author explained how it related to her, because I find myself facing the same dilemma — the all-or-nothing thinking, which is actually a symptom of generalized anxiety disorder.

I know I'm not the first person to associate anxiety with food, and I'm certain I won't be the last. But last week, sitting in a steam-filled bathroom with my poor little (now one-year-old!) baby trying to ease him through his third-in-a-lifetime (which is three times too many) bout of croup, I thought to myself for the thousandth time, No more junk food. We eat crappy food, we don't get enough rest, we don't stop stress from entering our lives and this is what happens: We get sick, the baby gets sick, we're all miserable and I'm sitting here, again, wondering if I'm going to have to rush my crying child to the ER, this time on my own while Daddy's slaving away at his wretched job.

With a heavy sigh I can say there are a lot of things I'd like to put an end to in my life right now and a lot of things I'm taking steps toward to do just that. But here in these pages, it's very hard for me to say that I need that balance between buns of steel and buns of cinnamon — because (a) I feel like I'll never have buns of steel, although I lust after them so longingly, and (b) I'm not really a fan of cinnamon buns in the first place — but I have overdosed on cake, brownies, ice cream and cookies all within the span of one week. Anxiety, birthday parties and baseball games have drowned me in a sea of no self control, old habits and muddled thinking.

The thing is, I don't know how to work through it. I have been good at reminding myself to try to do what makes me feel good, per a previous post, but sometimes I ignore that knowledge and other times I think that digging into the candy jar WILL make me feel good for a moment, so that I'm thinking about something other than X, Y and Z. I have bigger fish to fry right now, I think, than trying to tackle how emotions and stress are wreaking havoc on my waistline — although you would think that's a pretty good issue to deal with any day, right?!

I just have to have faith that some day I'll get there. And I also need to give myself props for the fact that for the most part, I am healthy. I catch the family cold, yes, and I'm still on my thyroid meds (will I ever get off of them?), but I have low cholesterol, low blood pressure and I'm hoping to get back on the exercise wagon again today, now that I'm officially off the nasty orange cold medicine. When I go too long without exercising, this is what happens — I start to ruminate, feel bad about myself, lump all the issues together and let them swirl around like a Blizzard at DQ.

I know I've been jumping around on here from writing brief, informative posts to a smattering of these whiny but heartfelt ramblings, but as I've mentioned plenty of times before, I'm always trying to find a little bit of me while I go through each day. Have you ever heard anyone say that you can never really see yourself? Like when you look in the mirror, or stare down at your feet, or how you smile, how you laugh — it's you, this person you've been living with for however many years, and you have no idea how everyone else perceives you — not in a shallow, superficial sort of way, but in an objective therapist sort of way. Maybe I'm too hard on myself. Maybe my house IS clean and organized, I'm just prone to pointing out its flaws. Perhaps someone looking in from the outside would say, You ARE a super mom! You work, you write, you exercise, you cook — what DON'T you do?

So with Mother's Day coming up, I'm going to compliment myself on whatever comes to mind: all of the cake and cookies are out of the house now, so I won't be tempted to eat them. I bid on a jogging stroller on eBay, and within a day or so I'll know if I can now add that option to my stockpile of workout choices I can actually do with the baby. And, the only snack I've been keeping on hand for him these days is a container of Puffs, because without them we'd need some serious rescuing every once in a while in the kitchen, car seat and grocery store. Thank God for the inventor of Puffs.

Maybe you'll see more posts like this coming up, as I face a ladies' luncheon tomorrow, takeout planned for that evening and a typical big family dinner on Sunday. How will I avoid the traps? What smart choices will I make? How can I break the cycle? Hopefully my report back to you will be more positive than usual. I can only hope.

Me & GP

Those of you who know me personally may know I'm a huge Gwyneth Paltrow fan, and I have been for years. I loved Sliding Doors even though the critics didn't, I have most of the lines memorized from Great Expectations, I love her style and, now that I've heard the story behind it, I even love that she named her daughter Apple.

So you can imagine my joy when I discovered that in some ways she's just like me: She loves food, she loves to cook, and basically the only reason why she works out is so that she can enjoy what she's going to eat later! I watched every episode of Public Television's On the Road Again with Mario Batali and Mark Bittman, who traveled around Spain with GP and a Spanish native, eating their way through plates of jamon serrano and churros. I received the cookbook as a Christmas gift a couple years back, and the recipes are AMAZING. She's a girl after my own heart.

But it was time for Gwynnie to go out on her own and publish her own solo cookbook, which is now available in stores for purchase (and I'm expecting a copy for Mother's Day, hint hint!). The pictures are gorgeous, the recipes are mouth watering and right now you can get a sample of the goods in the latest issue of SELF magazine or by searching inside the book on Amazon. Her recipe for French fries doesn't include frying the potatoes (I know! shocking!), and her philosophy behind food revolves mostly around gathering with friends and family and enjoying yourself, not so much worrying about calories, carbs and fat grams — something we could all try for a change from time to time. (Her bangin' body apparently comes from Tracy Anderson classes and DVDs, and even that gives me hope: Both women claim Gwyneth had zero coordination when she started, which is right about where I'm at when it comes to dance-style workouts.)

What's your favorite cookbook? Are you like me, and actually getting the cookbook, sitting down with it and looking at all the recipes ends up being more exciting than eventually cooking anything from within the pages? I have so many cookbooks that I've even had to give some of them away, and usually if I'm looking for a specific recipe for something I just end up going on line. But this one I gotta have. I just can't get enough of Gwyneth! Hope you enjoy it too. (Maybe even score some of her dad's pancakes as breakfast in bed next Sunday!)

Spring's first vegetable

When I think of spring, I think of sun, rain, flowers and vegetables. Yep, you heard me — of course I love to spend more time outside, but while I'm seeding my garden in pots indoors, the first spring vegetables, asparagus and peas, are shooting up in the great outdoors. And since I'm allergic to peas, asparagus is officially my favorite spring vegetable.

Asparagus is super healthy — it is low in sodium and is a good source of vitamin B6, calcium, magnesium, zinc and fiber, all things your body needs in order to function at its peak. Its mild flavor lends well to thousands of dishes, it's easy to cook, and it's as versatile as the LBD.

I recommend enjoying asparagus at least once a week while it's in season: saute it with a little olive oil, salt and pepper and toss with pasta and Parmesan cheese; steam it and cook it into a frittata with whole eggs and egg whites, ham or bacon, cheese and a sprinkling of chives; or, the easiest way and my husband's favorite method, place spears on a baking sheet, drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with coarse salt and fresh-cracked pepper and roast at 450 degrees for about 15 minutes, depending on the thickness of the stalks. We both like thinner spears that get a little crispy on the ends and nutty-tasting with this form of preparation, but if you can only find the thicker kind you can always peel the ends down a bit with a vegetable peeler or just leave them in the oven a little longer (my choice — easier).

Look to the seasons — and your garden — for culinary inspiration this spring, and throughout the year. After all, how did people survive in ancient times? They obviously made do without 100-calorie packs and fish sticks. Think like a caveman (my husband's always wanted to try that diet, isn't that funny?) and eat a plant-based diet with minimal protein and more vegetables and fruit than carbs — you'll be longer and leaner in no time.

Happy day!

Cake pops

Are you in on the Cake Pop craze? If you aren't, you probably don't even know what they are.

Let me tell you!

I'm not sure if Bakerella is the "inventor" of the cake pop, but she sure made them famous. And my heart goes out to this woman right now because I know she's had health problems for quite some time, kidney related, just like my nanny, and I believe they're both in need of transplants...I can't even imagine what that's like. Taking a moment to thank God for all my health, happiness and blessings on this beautiful Easter morning.

But back to the cake pop! If you've been to your local Starbucks, you may have seen them recently sprout up in the pastry case. (I wonder, did they have to pay for the rights to use the term "cake pop"? Does Bakerella own the rights? So interesting, the cake wars. I love how cupcakes are so popular these days too...but I digress.) I, for one, think the cake pop is a great, ingenious creation — hello, how many calories are you saving by having a cake pop instead of a whole freaking SLICE of cake?! If you aren't familiar and didn't click on the link above, a cake pop is just what it sounds like — a little sucker-style piece of cake on a stick — round and ready to just bite off. You don't suck on it, of course; you eat it, but it's literally a one- to two-bite delicious little novelty that can seriously help your diet if you're used to ordering a piece of marble loaf (ahem, hubby) or scone at a place like Starbucks and can wean yourself down to just a couple awesomely heavenly, delicious bites.

Dessert "shots" are popular at restaurants nowadays too, and I applaud the trend. Any way in which we can shave down our intake of sugary carbs is a positive step in the right direction, at least in my mind. If it wasn't my son's FIRST BIRTHDAY (!) next Monday, I might just have to make it a cake pop party — but we gotta get the shot of him with cake and frosting all over his face, right?! So maybe next year. If I tempt him with enough cake pops leading up to the second birthday, maybe he'll be satisfied with just a couple bites instead of another monstrous mess.

Try one today!

The truth about balsamic vinegar

Sounds scandalous, right? Well, just like Champagne and Parmigiano-Reggiano, the "real" versions of which only hail from specific regions in Europe, the real-deal balsamic vinegar, which I only recently found out, comes from Modena or Reggio Emilia in Italy — since the Middle Ages.

"Traditional" artisanal balsamic vinegar is aged for a minimum of 12 years, and its sweet, syrupy goodness is great for drizzling, just as you would a high-quality olive oil — only in this case for far fewer calories and fat. And while that's all fine and good, what I was really surprised to learn recently is that — wait, actually, now that I think about it, I'm not surprised, considering this is pretty much standard practice for any packaged food now in America — what supermarkets call "Balsamic Vinegar of Modena" is simply made of wine vinegar (often sold for a much lower price if you just buy the red kind) with extra dark coloring added, caramel, and often guar gum or cornflower. Thanks, industrial farming, for yet again injecting corn into ANOTHER freaking product that one would never expect to find it in. Vinegar. Corn. Well of course, why didn't I think of that?

I could go on for hours about my own personal rants against our nation's food system — sometimes even the "organic" guys rub me the wrong way — but what is the bottom line here? Look for a bottle in Italian. Seriously. It has to say Aceto Balsamico Tradizionale, otherwise it's not worth your money.

Take note, however: You may pay $8 for a fake bottle, but you'll actually have to shell out at least $50 for the real deal (plus shipping!) — and you won't find it at your local grocery store. So my suggestion is this: If you're THAT into food, buy a bottle on line and tell everyone in your house that this is NOT the stuff you should be tossing your salad with. Use it sparingly, and enjoy every last drop. Keep a bottle of your preferred additive-free vinegar in the house for everyday uses, from making salad dressings to cleaning the bathtub. Wouldn't you rather know that you're consuming REAL food, not artificial coloring and additives? I would, and this is just one more reason why we should all be paying that much more attention to food labels these days.

I know this is not the next big food scandal, but it's just one more way that you can vote with your fork. If you'd like to read more about this topic to better understand, you can find some basic information on Wikipedia, and Lisa Leake's Real Food site is another great place to discover the benefits of learning more about what's really going into your mouth, whether you know it or not (if I'm not mistaken, I first heard about this from her).

I think I may save the Aceto Balsamico Tradizionale for when I win the lottery...for now, I'll stick to the spice cabinet, fresh herbs and easy additions like garlic, shallots and onions to give my meals the punch they need without lots of additives, fat and calories. Food is meant to be enjoyed at the table with your family, not invented, twisted and made unrecognizable in some chemist's lab. Take a step forward today by reading the ingredients list on your box of crackers, or cooking a homemade dinner instead of eating out — there are countless ways in which you can contribute to your health and that of the environment just by changing the way you eat. One meal at a time, you too can eat great to be great.

Ciao!

You can Dukan too!

Ah, the Royal Wedding. I don't even live in England, and yet it's on my calendar; I'm looking forward to the momentous day, daydreaming, imagining all the joy and happiness the lovely couple is feeling, looking back on my own wedding day with hilarity and peace.

Back to reality: Anyone notice how FREAKING awesome Kate Middleton is looking these days? I keep thinking of that scene in Knocked Up where the main character's coworkers are telling her she has to "tighten." I don't think Kate could be any more cute and compact than she is right now!

So of course it's been all over the news, for quite some time, actually, what kind of diet is Kate on? Can I do it too? She looks so good! Can we all be like her?

For the yo-yo dieter it's just another chance to drop a few pounds and then gain them (plus one) back, but in all honesty, the Dukan "diet," what Kate is supposedly following, is nothing radical.

According to the LA Times, the Dukan plan, named after its French founder, boils down to a heavy mix of protein, low on carbs, wine allowed, plus an eventual "eat anything" phase as long as you stick to the rules at least one day a week.

Dukan's book is said to be coming to the US next week, and I'd love to own a copy of it. As you can probably guess, yes, my shelves are already stocked with diet and fitness books, and I actually haven't touched any of them in a while, but I do find them helpful to pick up from time to time, even if only as inspiration for a post. So if you'd like more details on Kate's plan, keep your eyes trained on Amazon, where I'm sure they'll have it for less than your neighborhood bookstore. Just always please be sure to remember that health should be at the forefront of any of your motivations and desires to slim up and trim down — there's no quick fix, no miracle cure, no magic pill. Slow and steady wins the race.

What do you think about Kate's new shape? Do you think she's looking too thin? I have to be honest, that thought had never even crossed my mind until I went online this morning to research this article. She's always been athletic, and I'm sure she's working her butt off even now with relaxing sports and cardio.

Here here, Kate and William! Can't wait to toast to your everlasting happiness!

Wine it up

Ever heard of the French Paradox? Sounds like something out of my old FRE-101 class at UM, but if you're at all familiar with the term I'm sure you know it actually has more to do with the fact that the French (and the Spanish, and the British, and the Germans, and the Argentines — the list goes on) seem to maintain a svelte figure and good health although they also tend to indulge in fatty meats, rich desserts and, of course, a lot of wine!

Well, I'm here to tell you that it doesn't just "seem" to be that way — it actually IS that way. Findings from a study all the way back in 1998 (published in Epidemiology) confirmed the fact that the French suffer from less cardiovascular disease and cancer, among other things, and anecdotal data indicate that they drink a lot more alcohol than we do here in America.

So what's a girl to do? Don't rush out for some stinky cheese and a chocolate tart — but do fill your wine glass once daily, if you're already accustomed to having the occasional drink. The French Paradox is not a true universal premise meant to plant our behinds on bar stools; the evidence is still even a bit shaky in terms of whether wine, either red or white, is any better for you than beer or hard liquor (in moderation!).

But the facts are these, according to the Mayo Clinic: Alcohol helps your heart by raising your good cholesterol levels, or HDL, it reduces the formation of blood clots and it helps prevent bodily harm caused by high "bad" cholesterol, or LDL. That's nothing to laugh at; the science backs a clear link between moderate drinking and low rates of heart disease.

If you drink, enjoy it with food, enjoy it responsibly (always use a designated driver) and enjoy the knowledge that you're doing something good for your body. And if you don't imbibe alcohol, you can actually get your reservatrol — the cool, awesome-for-you antioxidant found in red wine — from red or purple grape juice, blueberries, peanuts or cranberries. Luckily, someone up there was smart enough to provide for both drinkers and non-drinkers (wink, wink).

Cheers!

Streamline your kitchen, streamline your diet

I know I talk about clutter all the time, so that's the only time I'm going to mention the word in this entire post. Just so you know what I'm talking about.

I can't believe I've never done this before! Have you ever been procrastinating before a major deadline, or experienced writer's block, or gone around in circles trying to find the answer to a question only to have it come to you at some random moment, in the shower, half asleep, or on a train or bus? I'm sure that's a common occurrence for many people. And to me, one of the culprits in today's modern world is stuff. I'll be the first to admit, if Martha Stewart says that garam masala is one of the "it" products to cook with this spring, I'll be the first to jam it into my already-packed cupboard. But, slowly, that's changing. I'm starting to use up what I have, stick to what I know and try to live a more minimalist, simple life.

Which brings me back to my cupboard, and, really, my kitchen in general.

We all have the junk drawer; most of us probably also have the filled-to-the-brim Tupperware cabinet and maybe even the dusty old recipe box. Things, filled with more things, sometimes things that are supposed to hold other things, so that at least that thing isn't always staring us in the face. Mise en place. Everything in it's right place. It's a kitchen philosophy as much as it is an organizational philosophy that can be applied to almost anything in life — if it has no home, if it has no place to live, get rid of it.

So why is it that I end up doing this once every few months? I organize the plastic storage containers, I organize the spice shelf, I organize the salad bowls, I organize the serving dishes. I think, really, all this time I've been procrastinating, secretly avoiding the real gold mine: the refrigerator.

Think about it. Don't know what to eat? Your hand begins to wander...from the grapes, to the pita and hummus, to the bite-sized chocolate cakes dipped in caramel covered in more chocolate, to the string cheese, to the orange juice. Before you know it, your boredom or anxiety or exhaustion has shoved about 500 calories in your face, and that's all before dinner.

This is not to say that you can't keep grapes, pitas and string cheese all in your fridge at once...but how clean would that fruit drawer be if you took out the kale, old red onion, thyme and rotten pomegranates? How crusty would your shelves be if you peeled back the bottles of mustard, beer, vinegar and ketchup? It seems a little disrespectful to the food, don't you think?

Bear with me here, because I'm serious. Consider the love and thoughtfulness that goes into the pancakes your child cooks for you on Mother's Day. Or the care and precision with which the White House chef prepares President Obama's breakfast every morning. Imagine, even, the painstaking clarity that someone close to you experiences while making you a meal, trying to avoid your peanut allergy, lest you have an allergic reaction, ruining the whole night.

Sits in stark contrast to the slimy blue cheese at the bottom of the deli drawer, doesn't it.

It's not just about respecting your food and where it comes from, however, even though that extends all the way through to how you calmly (or not) prepare dinner and how you peacefully (or not) enjoy every last morsel, over a glass of wine with your partner, asking each other about how the day went, chewing and conversing in an otherwise quiet, softly lit room. I'm also talking about that wandering hand, weaving its way through plastic packaging, greasy jars and tiny little packets of leftover soy sauce and hot mustard. What do you feel when you look inside your fridge? Is it so messy that you'd rather not peer inside? How does that translate to how you feel about cooking and eating in general? It's like looking into a closet full of mismatched hangers, haphazardly tossed old sweaters and purses, and don't even get me started on that shoe collection. Does that help you get dressed in the morning? Probably not. You probably stare at every last item in your wardrobe, cursing it 17 times before every big dinner or event.

So the message is twofold: streamlining your kitchen can help streamline your diet, number one by helping you to remember to take the time to respect and enjoy your food, and number two by taking all the stuff and anxiety and disorder out of preparing and eating a delicious and healthy meal. Your kitchen and dining room should be clean, simple, organized and peaceful. Why? Because it just may result in a more peaceful attitude and a greater appreciation for everything that goes in your mouth (and believe me, that can spill into other areas of your life, too).

It will take some hard work and elbow grease, but I'm hoping to pick what I resist today and not just toss the unused spices from the condiment cabinet but also scrub down those refrigerator shelves, clean out the freezer and finally get to the bottom of this.

I hope you do, too. Good luck!

Do what makes you feel good

II wish I could get this tattooed on my hands or something. Wouldn't that save me from eating pizza? Overdoing it on the appetizers? Throwing back one and a half martinis like they're water?

Last night I realized something: It's too easy to do the opposite. It is so easy, for some reason, to do what makes me feel BAD. I'm going to get Biblical on you now: There's a quote I recently read that goes something like this, and it's so true: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." I hate eating so much in the late afternoon/before dinner that by the time the meal rolls around, I could (and should) probably get by without eating anything more. And yet I do this almost every day, after work, at parties and at family gatherings. I do what makes me feel bad instead of doing what makes me feel good.

Why is this? Speaking for women, I think, mostly, why is it that we find it so easy to torture ourselves — when there's no need — by overeating, not exercising or putting too much pressure on ourselves to either look like other women, act like other women or generally just do too much? Personally, I know I'm going to have to be in a bathing suit fairly soon, which may be what drives my occasional anxiety, or perhaps it's just another road block at a time in my life when it feels like there are more blocks than there is road. Whatever the reason, I've been having "I'm sick of this" moments followed quickly by the realization that I need to just think positive and Do what makes me feel good instead of focusing on the negative.

Children are alike in their faith and their diet, if you think about it. They believe that you will be there to walk them to school in the morning. They believe, without fail, that Santa will eat all of his cookies on Christmas, and if they want to eat cookies, or paint a picture, or ride a bike, or whatever it may be, they just do it. Until a certain age, there's no "Well, is she going to ride her bike too? Is riding your bike to the pool normal? Should I want to ride my bike to the pool?" — none of that self-doubt, second guessing, obligations, norms, standards, long-held beliefs. The belief chain is short. I rode my bike to the pool yesterday, and it was fun, so I want to do it again today. There. Done.

This can easily relate to our own means of exercise and fitness — find something you love to do, and stick with it...right? I know what you're thinking, though — a lot of times, our interest in exercise wanes. Why? Is it from exhaustion? Stress? Boredom? It could even be a combination of all of the above. But again, that's just because we're choosing to let exhaustion, stress and boredom get the best of us. We're choosing to give in to what's actually UNcomfortable in our lives — feeling exhausted, stressed out, bored and, inevitably, guilty for not working out — instead of just getting it over with. Maybe even enjoying it.

I enjoy a nice big salad. I enjoy kale-and-fruit smoothies. And when it really comes down to it, whether it's because I know it's unhealthy, it makes me feel bad or, right or wrong, I feel guilty doing it, I do NOT enjoy eating "junk food." Pizza, candy, Mexican food — they don't make me feel good. Maybe I enjoy the first delicious bite, but it's all downhill from there. I have plenty more to think and worry about other than food guilt and what Bethenny calls "food noise," so although I feel like I say this again and again, I need to stop being so self absorbed, stop always thinking about what we're going to eat next, what about my cellulite, are my legs getting thinner — stop it, stop it, stop it! Change doesn't happen while you're thinking about the past, or what's bad, or what you don't like. It happens when you're focusing on what you do like, what you want, the change and taking the action to get there.

I really am hoping to keep writing, every day if I can, even if it's just a question to you guys, a quick thought or hopefully an inventive tip or a new way of looking at things. I'd like to spruce up the design of my web page, too (anyone know any cheap web designers out there???), as part of a conscious effort to stay happy, upbeat and positive every time I look at these pages. Because we make it too easy on ourselves to do the opposite sometimes — to wallow in that sort of rainy-day attitude, woe is me, I'll just eat another piece of chocolate cake.

Make it your philosophy. Make it your mantra, to Do what makes you feel good. If a homemade burger and baked steak fries sit well with you, enjoy it every once in a while. I haven't yet thought about what's going to make me feel good for dinner tonight, and frankly I don't feel like thinking about it just yet.

It feels good not to.